


Itero

by Humphreywrites



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24841687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humphreywrites/pseuds/Humphreywrites
Summary: if I give a summary, it will give it away...
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 15
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

She’s so cold. The kind of cold her she feels when she’s gets out of a too hot bath, too quickly. The cold that makes her skin pale and translucent but her lips a hue of deep purple.

She sees her breath, and can taste the chill on her tongue. The advanced stage of Hypothermia is coming. Her eyes are dropping and she feels her pulse slow to a steady beat. Her knowledge of death is a comfort and she knows what will happen next.

“Scully, please, stay alive. Please,” he cries, as he holds her, gently and reverently. “Stay alive, Scully.”

She knows she isn’t done living yet... but she doesn’t have much of a choice.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

She wakes up somewhere warm. She feels it spreading through her body, but hears the dull roar of machines.

A hospital.

Her brain comes to that realization before her eyes open. The light stings her eyes, and she blinks furiously.

“Dana?” A familiar voice chokes out, “Dana, it’s me, Mom.”

When her eyes finally focus, she sees her mother. The worry and relief is evident all over her face. Her mothers dainty fingers thread through her hair, and she bites back a sob. She tries to talk, but her throat is raw.

“It’s okay,” she soothes. “You had a breathing tube so your throat is probably very sore.”

Understatement, she thinks, wearily. As she looks at her mother, she sees a few more wrinkles than she remembers, but then again, she hadn’t seen her mother for a month or two. Life had just gotten busy.

“What happened to me?” She finally chokes out, hoarsely. Her voice is unrecognizable and she looks down at her hands. A simple gold band rests on her third finger on her left hand.

“What....” Married. She was definitely, undeniably married.

“Fox will be here soon,” her mother smiles. “I just called him, and I’m sure he’ll bring the kids.”

Her eyes widen. “Mulder?”

Her mother nods, carefully. “Honey,” she begins slowly. “What do you remember?”

She wracks her brain and tries. “Cold. I was so cold,” she breathes, remembering him wrapping his coat over her, clutching her to his chest. The context as to why is still unclear.

Her mother looks at her as if she has no clue as to what she’s talking about. She realizes she doesn’t.

“Mom!” A little boy with auburn hair and glasses yells, coming into the room. “You’re okay.” He freezes just shy of the hospital bed and looks at her.

She doesn’t have time to respond, as a girl, maybe thirteen, who looks remarkably like her scolds him. “Will, Dad said you can’t run off.”

She is wants to close her eyes, go back to sleep and wake back up in her bed. In her reality, it’s 1998 and the xfiles have been closed, their office sent up in a firey blaze and separated. The office of professional review has decided to sever their partnership, and transfer her to Utah: Salt Lake City, effective immediately. She remembers the chill, she remembers the cold.

When she sees him, holding a baby on his hip, and looking at her with such love in his eyes she can’t breathe. Her eyes roll back in her head and she faints.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

When she comes to for the second time, she gets an explanation: amnesia. Dr. Dana Scully had been driving home from work, and t-boned by a tractor trailer. It was a miracle she’d even survived, according to her physician.

She’d asked for her medical file, because she thought the man was lying to her. There was no way this was 2008. She wasn’t married. She didn’t have children-besides the fact that she was infertile- it was just insane. This whole thing was an x-file.

The first time she saw her reflection in the mirror, she cried. This wasn’t her. Her face had softened, the hard razor edges of her cheek bones, were padded by fat. She had a few more wrinkles than she remembered and her hair was longer, than she’d ever kept it. The color was muted to a light red and not as fierce. Her body was different, she had a fresh cesarean scar, and her stomach was soft, so much softer than it had been. She looked forty-four, and not thirty-four.

She was a stranger in a strangers body, who wore her face and had her identity.

“Scully, are you okay?”

It was him. She’d know that voice anywhere. The comfort of him calling her Scully almost made it easier.

“I’m fine,” she lies, biting back a sob. “I’m okay.”

Even this Mulder knows she’s full of shit and opens the bathroom door.

“You were crying.” He tentatively reaches for her face but pulls back, not wanting to push her. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t be.” If he had she would have welcomed the touch. “I’m sorry... I’m sure this wasn’t what you were expecting...”

“Dana, the fact that your alive, is all that matters,” he says, reverently. “It was touch and go there for a while, and I thought...”

He’s on the verge of tears. She knows exactly what he thought. She can’t imagine the agony he experienced as she- his wife- lie teetering between life and death. They’ve done this dance before, well, she had. It’s all getting blurry.

“I’m here,” she tells him. “I just need help remembering...”

“I’ll spend the rest of our lives filling you in,” he vows, taking his hands in hers. He takes her hand to his lips, and places a soft kiss on her knuckles. The intimacy is far too much, and she feels herself tear up.

What if this isn’t real?  
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

The day she’s discharged, he’s armed with a duffel bag with a change of clothes. He’s thought of everything, and his choices reflect exactly what she would have chosen if she’d packed it herself.

She’s just glad to dispose of the the hospital gown.

There’s an air of awkwardness as they walk down the hallway toward his car. “I told the kids to go easy on you, but Will has been a wreck since the accident so he might be a little clingy,” he warns as she walks next to him. “Emily, well, she has been acting out. So, if she’s being rude...”

“I was a teenage girl, Mulder, I do remember,” she cuts him off, and he just chuckles.

“Well, our teenager got a double dose of stubbornness.” She shakes her head at that. “The good news is that Lily won’t give you a hard time.”

When they’re in the car, she looks at him. “Mulder, tell me about us.”

So he does. After the x-files were shut down in 1994, their professional relationship went personal, and she fell pregnant that February. Emily was born on November 20, 1994, and it took a lot of convincing for him to get her to marry him.

She worked at Quantico, teaching, while he worked in the VCU. When Emily was six, they got married in a civil ceremony, and Will was conceived on their wedding night, which he informed her that she found utterly amusing and wickedly old fashioned. Will was born on May 9, 2001.

Lily was a surprise late in life miracle after Will. Apparently, they were told they couldn’t have anymore children, but of course, that was proven wrong when the stick turned pink over a year ago.

They live in Alexandria and they live a very normal life. A life she can’t fathom belongs to her, considering how the Mulder she knew didn’t want to get out of the car.

She’s quiet, processing it all still, when they pull up to her mothers house. “Are we happy?”

He doesn’t even hesitate to tell her, “Yes. Very.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Her three month old was all smiles as soon she saw her. Her mother hands her off, and the second she’s put in her arms, she cries. Big fat tears roll down her cheeks, as the baby grabs at her face.

This wasn’t possible. So many emotions flow through her body, that it’s almost too much. He’s watching their reaction, with a small smile.

“Can I get you guys anything?” Her mother asks, stalling.

“No,” she shakes her head, ready to face whatever came next. “I think I just want to go home.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

The house they live in, is so normal she wants to laugh, except she knows that isn’t the proper reaction. They live in a cul-de-sac outside of the city, with four bedroom houses and perfectly manicured lawns.

The house itself is a classic colonial, looking as if it belongs in New England instead of Virginia. “Home sweet home,” he comments, cutting the engine.

Welcome to your life, she thinks, still tentative about accepting this reality. Every second she feels like it’s too good to be true and that soon she’ll slip away from whatever this is.

“Scully?”

Her head turns, as she’s looking at him. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, really.” She wasn’t lying, she felt better than she had in a long time, even if she felt like it could all just be temporary. “I’ll get Lily.”

He gives her a tour of the house, while Lily naps on her shoulder. It’s four bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, and a fenced in back yard. The decor is mostly her tastes, and she notices the tomato artwork hanging in their kitchen from her apartment in Georgetown. A find from the local farmers market, that she can’t believe is on display in their current kitchen. There’s a downstairs office, which he tells her is going to be converted into a room for Emily, once he finds the time, and a spacious living room.

She takes it all in. Noticing every framed photo, piece of art on the wall, and how seemlessly everything just seems to work. She wonders if her type a personality mellowed with age and three children, because the house is very much lived in.

When he offers to put Lily down so that she can familiarize herself a little more, she almost says no. The warm sleeping infant is grounding.

She nods and he gently picks her up. Fox Mulder holding a baby is a sight, she muses, watching them walk up the stairwell.

Just as she makes it into the kitchen, she hears the front door open and the voices of Will and Emily filter through the air. She can hear them arguing, already. “Will, you’re such a little freak.”

“No I’m not,” Will protests, weakly. “The frog needed a home, Emily.”

At that, she heads into the living room while they drop their backpacks on the floor. “Mom!” Will lights up and rushes to her, almost knocking her off her feet. “Easy with her,” Mulder says, coming down stairs. “She’s healing.”

“I’m okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around him. “It’s okay, Mulder.”

Emily just rolls her eyes and goes upstairs not acknowledging her. “I’m going to do homework,” Emily says, brushing past her dad on the stairs. “You’re coming down for dinner, Em.”

“Yeah, whatever Dad.”

He shoot her a look, “See what I mean?”

She chuffs a laugh as Will let’s go. “Mom, can you help me with my science homework? We’re doing this really cool thing on sounds.”

“Yeah, go get it out, and I’ll be right there.” Will nods and grabs his backpack.

“Welcome back, Scully.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

The phone rings, startling her from a deep sleep. She groggily answers it, “Scully.”

“Scully, it’s me. They’re shutting us down.”

She sits up, confused. Taking in her apartment she notices that the calendar on the nightstand says December 1993.

What the fuck?  
“What?” This time she says it aloud.

“They called me in tonight and they said they're going to reassign us to other sections.”

“Who said that?” She asks feeling a strange sense of deja vu.

“Skinner,” he spits out, “He said word came down from the top of the executive branch.”

“Mulder...” she begins, wondering if she’s been given a chance for that other reality. Maybe.

“It’s over Scully,” he sighs resigned.

“Maybe that isn’t such a bad thing, Mulder.”

“What?”

“I’m not saying give up, I’m just saying that maybe it might be a good thing.”

“Why?”

“Because now we can finally, finally, admit that we’re a little more than partners, don’t you think?”

She can hear him, smirk. This time, she isn’t going to make the same mistake twice.


	2. A Snap Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully of 1998 is still in 2008.

Everyday she is almost afraid to breathe, to live like the older version of herself. She’s afraid that when she goes to bed, she’ll just wake up and loose her tenuous grip on this reality- this beautiful life.

Is it perfect? God no. Her kids- her kids- can be royal pains in the ass, the baby is constantly crying when she can’t hold her, her Mulder is still a mess and she’s finding herself constantly cleaning up when he leaves dishes in the sink or leaving his running shoes in the middle of the hallway for her to trip over. He’s like the 98’ version she’s familiar with which makes her smile and put them away for him without complaint.

It is a remarkably small price to pay for a life that is full. A life that is so much happier than her lonely one with nothing but an empty apartment and lonely weekends. She was okay with that, but she hadn’t known what she was missing. She hadn’t known how dead she felt until every morning she woke up alive.

At first, it took some time to adjust. Parenthood was thrust upon her and obviously she and Mulder had a very deep and intimate relationship, which she found frightening at first. She loved him in all realities... but here she was tethered to him by matching gold bands. It left her feeling anxious whenever he touched her in a more than friendly way.

Mulder was a tactile person. She knew that about him. She knew that it was how he communicated his feelings without words, she had figured that out early on in their partnership. The accidental brushes against her, the hand on her shoulder, the fingertips on the small of her back, all of those were commonplace and she never rebuked him or pulled away unless he managed to piss her off in some regard.

Here in 2008, they’d obviously done a lot more than just those innocent touches. Here there was no barrier. He’d squeeze her hips, as they shuffled around one another for the coffee pot. He’d be standing so close to her that she’d feel him completely against her with his breath on her neck, reading over her shoulder as she flipped through the morning paper. She’d caught him one morning in bed playing with her much longer hair, threading his fingers through it, when he thought she was still sound asleep.

And then there was the kissing. The gentle good morning kiss- the one I’ve done for years- the kiss hello, the kiss goodnight, kiss just because... and she liked it. A lot. Too much.

He knew she needed time. Her was careful with her, but always made sure that she knew he loved her. It was in every gesture. Every look. Every kiss.

She was falling in love with him.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

It was late and the house was remarkably quiet. The kids were sound asleep, and an old movie was playing on the television, as they were curled up together on the couch. The black and white film played as background noise to her loud thoughts.

“Mulder?”

“Hmm.”

She took a deep breath, and sat up. She needed his full attention. “Mulder...”

He looks at her, waiting. “I...” this was so hard. “I’m ready.”

Confusion sets in, and she clarifies quickly. “You know...”

He raises and eyebrow as what she’s saying dawns on him. A small smile, plays at his lips. “You’re ready,” he repeats tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “Your sure? We haven’t since...”

Lily. She had a feeling that had been the case. “Yes,” she nods, biting her lip. “Let’s go to bed,” she says, shutting off the television.

He grabs her hand, thoroughly charmed, and they go upstairs.

She thanked god that they’d moved Emily downstairs so that Lily could have her old room down the hall.

She’s just shut the door and locked it, when she feels his hands on her waist. When she turns to face him, he leans down, and kisses her soundly on the mouth. His intentions are anything but chaste, and she feels the kiss deepen down to her toes.

He picks her up, and her legs wrap around him for a better angle. Every nerve ending is set ablaze and she’s so ready for this. Almost embarrassingly so. He gently puts her on the bed not breaking contact, she isn’t sure of where she begins and he ends.

His hands touch the elastic band of her pajama bottoms, and with a nod, that’s all the permission he needs. She works on unbuttoning her top, while he undresses. It’s seamless. As if they’ve done this hundreds of times before.

She supposes they have, and once he starts to touch her bare skin, he hits all of her sensitive sports, a perk of him already knowing them.

When they finally come together, it’s everything.

It’s everything. She’s come home.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

The sounds of Lily crying rouse her from sleep. Her body is sore, but in the best possible way, but before she can even get up, his arm reaches out and stops her. “I’ll get her.”

She nods, and sits up. This version of Mulder, the afterglow version is her favorite. His hair is mused, and she can discern red marks on his back from her nails.

She’s sure she has a set of her own, too.

Lily calms as soon as she’s placed in her arms. He goes to make a bottle as Lily looks at her. Her eyes are tired, and her face red from screaming. The baby is a perfect blend of the two of them. Emily is her twin, Will is his, but Lily is such a combination that she can’t help but marvel at genetics.

She offers her index finger as a pacifier, and she sucks on it greedily. “Daddy’s making a bottle now, Lil.”

As if on cue, he appears with a bottle in his hands. He gives it to her, and Lily eats as if she’s never eaten. He slides in beside her, and watches them. “You know, she’s always done that.”

She raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Only calmed for you. If it had been me she still would have been crying. You finally got your Mama’s girl.”

She didn’t know that. There was still so much she didn’t know. So many gaps in her memory. So much she wishes she did know.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, sensing her mood change. “I know the amnesia has been tough.”

“It is,” she agrees. “But you don’t have to apologize. Tell me about them when they were this age.”

So he does. He tells her that Emily was the easiest. She went to everyone and was such and daddy’s girl. He tells her that Liam had horrible colic until he was five months and since he was always uncomfortable she had a really hard time bonding with him. He told her about her terrible postpartum depression with Liam and she’d had a little of it after Lily was born too until they figured out the right combination of drugs to put her on for it. All three of her children were breastfed, and all three were good sleepers. He told her that when she told him she was pregnant with Liam he already knew by her moods. He told her that each time she told him it was the best news he’d ever heard.

Lily falls asleep after eating just listening to the cadence of his voice.

“We should put her to bed, Scully.”

Logically she knows this. She also knows a little bit about co-sleeping, and that children should have more independence... but she just doesn’t seem to care. “She can stay.” It’s the don’t argue tone the same one she knows he’s familiar with.

He doesn’t and eventually they all fall asleep.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

A yell of “Mom!”, wakes her up.

She blinks her eyes open.

She’s still here. In 2008, where her four month old is sleeping soundly on her chest.  
It’s still weird.

She yawns, not bothering to respond just yet. Letting the moment linger a few seconds longer. “Mom!”

He groans, and rolls away from her, trying to get a few more seconds of sleep.

Her daughter is standing in the doorway, frowning and fully dressed for school. “I can’t find my gym clothes.”

She sits up, glad she threw Mulder's shirt on from the night before, and looks at her. “Did you look in the laundry?”

She shrugs. Obviously that was a no. “I think it’s in the dryer.”

Emily just huffs and goes to find it.

“A ‘thanks mom’ would have been nice...” she mutters, sliding off the bed, with Lily now wide awake on her hip. “I told you,” he sighs, “she’s got quite an attitude.”

“It needs an adjustment, Mulder,” she calls over her shoulder and heads down stairs.

“Hi Mom,” Will greets brightly, chewing on a spoonful of cereal. The total opposite of his sister, she thinks, as she goes to make Lily bottle. “Are you going to pick me up today or is it Grandma?”

In the two weeks since waking up, her mother had been doing the pick-ups so that she can rest and heal. Today, she’s more than ready to resume her normal routine- -at least regarding the kids. “Me and Lily,” she answers.

“Do you remember where that is mom?”

She had no idea, until Mulder told her but she wasn’t about to let Liam know that. “Yes, I remember,” she chirps, going to make Lily a bottle. “And you know where to park?” He prodded.

Another nod. “Any reason why your giving me the third degree?”

He smirks. “Nope, just testing you.”

“I hope I passed,” she adds dryly and grabs the formula.

Liam just laughs, and she shakes her head. At least one of her children inherited her morning personality. Well, post-coffee, which was currently brewing, a timed coffee pot was something she really liked about 2008.

“Emily!” Liam shouts, depositing his bowl into the sink. “Come on!”

A pair of familiar hands snake down her ribs to her hip. “Hi,” he greets, reaching over her for a coffee mug.

She turns to face him, and kisses him. “Ew,” Liam grimaces as they break apart. “That’s disgusting.”

“Your seven. In a few years, it won’t be all that gross. Where’s your sister?”

“Upstairs,” he says, as he collects his homework off the counter. “I think she’s in a mood.”

“Wonderful,” he mutters, and takes a sip of coffee. “Teenagers are great...”

She holds Lily out for him. “Let me try,” she suggests, as the two of them look at her as if she’s heading to the gallows. It makes her laugh.

Emily is pacing the bathroom upstairs furiously. “Em, what is it?”

Her head snaps up, and she looks at her red faced and embarrassed. “We have no tampons, mom.”

“We don’t?”

“No,” she shakes her head as the blush rises up her cheeks. “You obviously wouldn’t have needed them, but you used to buy them and leave them under the sink and...”

It dawns on her. “Oh, Em is this your first period?”

Emily nods, and tears flood her eyes. “I didn’t know how to ask, and I’ve been so...”

“Bitchy?” She supplies with a laugh and pulling her into her arms. “It’s forgiven, baby.”

Emily relaxes against her, and she wraps her arms around her fitting perfectly under her chin. An idea forms in her mind, “Come on, we’ve got an errand to run.” Emily pulls away, and looks at her. “A girl errand, Em,” she adds.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Emily is late for drop off, but she writes her a note and it’s excused. It felt like the ice thawed between them just a little when on their errand. Her baby isn’t so much of a baby, and it’s a little bittersweet.

“Em,” she calls, as Emily is a few feet away from her car. “I love you.”

She rolls her eyes at her, but smiles all the same. “Love you too, mom.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Time passes incredibly fast when caring for an infant, and Lily makes it easy. She’s a very happy baby, and for the most part they spend the rest of the morning napping. She’s still easily tired and she has to remind herself that her body went through a trauma. A major motor vehicle accident.

She wonders if she’s a cat with nine lives. Or immortal, like Clyde Bruckman said.

The thought was too out there even for her to entertain.

The phone rings startling her out of her reverie, and waking up Lily.

She grabs it off the cradle, “Hello?”

“Scully, it’s me. You’re going to hate me-“

“A sentence that starts like that isn’t good...”

“Saltz and I have to go to Jackson to present the profile to their PD.”

“Your kidding,” she sighs, knowing that he most definitely wasn’t kidding. Jackson Wyoming wasn’t exactly close by and she was barely used to everything as is.

“It’s only for two days. I’m leaving tomorrow and I’ll be back on Thursday. I already talked to your mother and she’s more than happy to help.”

The fiercely independent side of her, the slide that didn’t accept help wants to tell him off. Wants to tell him that she can do it all herself but the more rational side tells her she can’t. She still is learning. She’s still adjusting. She’s still healing. It reminds her of when she had cancer...

“Scully?”

Right, he was still waiting on the line. “Thank you,” she says instead. “I think I’m going to need it.”

“I know how hard that was for you to even say,” he says, as if he’s reading her thoughts. “You’re awful at accepting help.”

She laughs, at least that’s consistent in any iteration. “I know, I’m trying.”

She can hear him smiling. “I appreciate it. Listen, I promise to make it up to you. I do owe you a weekend.”

“A weekend?”

“Oh, right the amnesia. For your birthday, we go away. Just us. No kids. No work. No fucking cell phones interrupting us.”

“I thought you said no fucking,” she teases him, wanting to rile him. It’s just too fun.

“Oh, there will be fucking, Dana. Lots of it,” he promises, as his voice lowers. She knows that tone now. One of her favorite sounds. “After fourteen years we still got it, babe.”

“Babe?” She raises an eyebrow at that. In any reality she hopes she still hates pet names.

“Fine, fine, I was seeing how you’d react, and it’s pretty much exactly as I’d expect, Scully.”

She grins. Scully. “Mulder?”

“Hmm.”

“I’ll see you later.”

“Later, baby,” he hangs up, before she can admonish him. He’s still the same, she thinks, and hits end.

A glance at the clock, tells her it’s time to get the Liam. Emily has soccer after school so she doesn’t have to get her until five. “Alright, Lily. Let’s go get your brother.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

She’s got Lily on her hip waiting for Liam. A few other moms are waiting too, chatting in groups and she wonders if she did that once. She can’t picture it. Did she have mom friends? Did she have friends?

It would be nice, she thinks, as the bell rings. The main doors open, and kids begin to rush out to the drop of line, to their parents or babysitters. She sees some kids that look close Liams age, and as she comes closer, she sees Liam being held back by his teacher. His little glasses are eschew and his teacher waves her over. “Mrs. Mulder do you have a minute?”

She nods, and heads up the steps. Liam has a sheepish look on his face and he isn’t making eye contact with her. “Can you follow me back to the classroom?”

“Sure,” she agrees, shifting Lily to her other hip, as his teacher walks in front of them. She’s young, his teacher and her heels clack on the linoleum.

Once their inside, she gestures for her to take a seat. “Liam, do you want to go listen to a book on tape for a few minutes so I can talk to your mom?”

Liam nods less than enthusiastically and shuffles over to the listening center. “Mrs. Mulder...”

“Dana,” she cuts her off. “Mrs. Mulder is my mother in law.”

She smiles. “Right, so first I want to say how much of a joy Liam is in class. He’s very bright, and always the first to participate.” She senses a but coming... “But I’m concerned. He’s been withdrawn lately, and I noticed that he isn’t playing much with the other kids at recess. I don’t know if there’s something going on at home or...”

“I was in a serious car accident recently. I don’t know if he told you but I was in a coma,” she says, looking at Liam who most definitely is not listening to a book on tape. He averts his eyes. “Between that and the baby it’s been an adjustment.”

“Wow, I really had no idea.”

“My husband didn’t tell you?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “I only saw his Grandmother at pickup.”

That makes sense. It all begins to click. “He’s been fine at home, a little clingy but I’ll talk to him tonight. Maybe coax out what’s going on.”

“Thank you,” she says. “I just thought you should know, because again he’s a really great kid.”

“He is,” she agrees, and looks at him. He’s staring at her with a smile. Maybe she doesn’t suck at this whole parenting thing...


	3. Waking up in 1993?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to continue this, but then inspiration struck and here I am.

“Will, what’s going on at school?”

He’s about to take his game boy out of his backpack, but she holds her palm out. “Give it.”

“Fine,” he huffs handing it over.

She puts it on the empty seat next to her. When she turns back around, his eyes are wet. “Will, what’s going on?” Her tone is soft and her heart breaks for her baby she can see it on his face that something is bothering him. “Come on,” she nudges gently. “You know you can talk to me.”

He’s quiet, and finally looks up at her. “You almost died, mom.”

So this was what was up with him. She gets out of the car, and gets in the backseat. He crawls into her lap and starts to cry. “Will, I’m here. Okay, I’m getting better everyday. Is that why you’ve been off at school?”

He puts his head up, and she wipes the tears out of his eyes. “Yeah. It was so hard. You didn’t wake up, but you looked like you were sleeping. Daddy was sad, Emily was really angry and Lily, well, Lily cried a lot. Daddy said it was because she missed your milk, but I think she was just as sad as everyone else.”

She can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them. Clearly, it was still affecting him and Emily. “Did you talk to your dad or Grandma about how you were feeling?”

He shakes his head no. “They were too busy.”

“I’m so sorry you went through that, baby. It must have been so hard.”

Will nods, and sniffles. “I really missed you. It was a whole month without you.”

He wraps his arms around her, and she holds onto him. She holds him and holds him hoping that just by being there now is enough.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

“Mulder, our kids are a mess.”

It wasn’t exactly how she wanted to start the conversation, but he was completely ignoring her while he tried to pack. The statement had the intended affect and his head snaps to her. “Will’s teacher pulled me aside after school and told me that he’s having a difficult time. She also had no idea about the accident...”

He sits down on the edge of the bed, and she moves his duffel to the floor. “He said that you guys had a hard time dealing with it, and that no one listened to him,” she continues carefully. “Listen, I’m not judging at all. I can’t imagine and I’m sure it was a really hard month...”

He looks at her. “A hard month is putting it mildly, Dana.” There isn’t any edge to his tone, just sadness. “I...” he puts his face in his hands. “I checked out a little and apparently Will noticed.”

She puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself right now for this, Mulder. I know you,” she says, knowing that he wears guilt on his sleeve. “He’s fine, we talked, a lot.”

“Apparently the kids at school aren’t being nice to him and he’s experiencing a little bit of teasing. He’d rather read or play in the dirt than with the other kids and it’s not making him very many friends. He’s a sensitive kid and he’s been through the ringer. It doesn’t help that Emily’s been teasing him at home too, which I’m planning on talking to her about.”

“I didn’t know...”

“I had to pry it out of him, so don’t beat yourself up. He’s a lot like me. He just wants to keep the peace, and doesn’t burden people with his problems. I swear it’s a middle child thing.”

“Mom!” Will yells, just as he rushes into their bedroom. “The Harry Potter Movie is on! Want to watch it with me? I swear all my homework is done and...”

“I was just telling your dad about school.”

“Oh.” He looks between them and then puts his head down embarrassed.

“Will, come here.”

He looks up, and walks toward her. “Will, I’m sorry, buddy. I had no idea...”

“It’s okay, Dad,” he mutters, offering him a smile. “I get it.”

“You shouldn’t have to, bud.”

He looks at him, “Dad, you should watch it too. You like the books,” he adds lighting up. “We can have a movie night!”

His excitement is contagious. “I’ll be downstairs after I finish packing.”

He frowns. “Your leaving?”

“For a few days. I have to work.”

“Which means Grandma is going to be around a little more for the next couple of days helping out,” she says.

“Cool,” he grins. “Grandma owes me a game of Monopoly.”

“Why don’t you go downstairs and we will be right down, okay?”

He nods, and gives each of them a hug.

“Meet you down there,” she adds, as he rushes back downstairs.

She turns to Mulder, “He’ll be okay.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

“Lily, for the love of god please fall asleep.” It was late, or maybe early. She had no idea.

The baby wouldn’t settle. She’d been changed, fed, rocked and held. She felt as if she couldn’t do anything right, and she had a full day of running around. Her mind was already running through the list of tasks: drop the kids at school, pick up Mulder at the airport, pick up Will, take Lily to the pediatrician, pick up Emily from her friends house... fuck. A part of her wondered how she was going to do it all especially without any sleep.

“Mom?” Will was in the doorway of Lily’s room. He was groggy, and his eyes were sleepy.

“I’m sorry. Did she wake you up?”

“Yeah,” he says, with a yawn. “Dad used to do this bend and rock thing she liked when she got like that.”

“Bend and rock?”

“He would kind of like go up and down, and she would stop crying.”

“I’ll try it.”

“Mom?”

“He also kept a pacifier on top of the fridge even though you told him not to...”

Will was her savior. “Thank you,” she says, giving him a kiss on the top of his head. You should go to bed...”

“I’m going...” he says, backing out of the room.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

She reaches for the pacifier, and feels around. There it is. She quickly cleans the blue binky and pops it in Lily’s mouth.

At first it looks as if she’s going to spit it out, but then she starts furiously sucking on it. Success.

“Oral fixation, Lil. I should have known his kids would be the same,” she laughs, going into the living room.

It’s dark, but Lily doesn’t look remotely tired yet so she curls up on the couch and flicks the television on. It’s the early morning news and she realizes that she can catch an hour or two at most before it’s time to really start the day.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

It’s only when she blinks her eyes open, and sees both kids, standing over her fully ready for school does she realize it’s late.

Lily is snoring, and Emily folds her arms at the scene. An expression of really mom is evident on her face. Will just looks tired.

“Fuck,” she curses, and startles the baby. “Shit we’re late.”

“Mom!” Will admonished.

“Actually, you are,” Emily points out, as she begins to scramble. Still in her pajamas, she knows she doesn’t have the time to change, and succumbs to the fact that she’s going to be one of those moms... the kind that drop off their kids in PJs. Rookie move, Dana, she muses. “Okay, let’s go.”

“But your in your pajamas...”

“It’s the drop off lane, Will. No one is going to care. Besides, Daddy’s done it too.” A very confused Lily is half asleep on her shoulder. She hopes the car ride puts her back to bed, for a small reprieve.

“Hey mom, you might wanna change Lily. She stinks....”

Emily was right. Fuck.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Once she’d done drop off, she had an hour before getting Mulder. In which, she was able to feed Lily, change her and dress her.

Time was ticking, but she managed to get herself ready by some modern miracle. She’d never again take for granted what her mother did... with four kids alone for most of the year. Her siblings weren’t easy by any means, either.

The drive to Dulles was quick, and there was barely mid-day traffic. As she waited at the arrivals gate, she felt a twist of nostalgia, and maybe something close to jealousy. She’d been all over the US with him but now life was not conducive to that kind of lifestyle. A single woman, yes. Married mom of three, no.

“Hey!” She calls, as soon as she sees him. He’s in his casual clothes wearing sunglasses. The two day stubble is a sign that he’s been in profiling hell. There would be cases that would get under his skin, and a tell would be his five o’clock shadow.

He grins, and walks to the car. “How was Jackson?”

He opens the door, and puts his bag on the floor. “I’m glad it’s over.”

“Did we ever have a case in Wyoming? I can’t remember...”

He shakes his head. “Not one worked together on.... God, I’m exhausted.”

“Me too,” she says. “Lily didn’t want to sleep last night, but Will saved me with the pacifier tip.”

He chuckles. “I know you said you didn’t want them dependent but as a last case resort...”

“This was definitely last case, and I appreciated it.”

“I think I can sleep for the rest of the day.”

She scoffs. “Nope, I need you to get Will. Lily’s got a appointment. I didn’t plan it well...”

“How were they?”

“Fine,” she says, pulling out into traffic. “No hiccups.”

“I had all the faith in the world in you, Scully.”

“Good, someone had to,” she laughs, and turns on the radio. Some current pop song, waifs through the air, and he hums along.

This part just being in the car is so familiar. He’d be driving, shucking sunflower seeds between his teeth with the window down. He’d then finally settle on whatever station they could get the clearest reception from in the middle of nowhere and he’d tell her stories. Lots of stories and they’d banter back and forth.

Hey, Scully did I ever tell you the time I saw big foot? I was in Canada it was 1982...  
Scully, did you know that..  
Did I ever tell you about the case of the werewolf babies?  
“Hey, Scully?”

“Hmm.”

“You missed our turn off.”

Oops.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months and she’s so used to this life that if she ever goes back... she doesn’t want to think about it.

She resumes her job at the hospital as the only on staff pathologist and they fall once again, into a routine. Lily goes to the on-cite daycare with her, while the kids are in school and she tries to keep to nine to five hours as much as possible.

How she manages it, she doesn’t know. He picks up the slack for her if she needs it, and she does the same for him. His hours are more regular so usually- unless he’s called away- he’s home before she is.

“Mama, down,” her almost one-year old commands, as soon as their through the front door. Her youngest is fiercely independent and she can’t believe she’s almost one. When she was ten months she was stringing words together and walking much to everyone’s amazement. She thinks it’s because she just wanted to keep up with her brother, who she idolizes. Lily would follow him around the house, and he has the patience of a saint dealing with her. It’s very sweet to see.

She’s late tonight, and more exhausted than usual. Chalking it up to a busy day, she finds Mulder on the couch. Lily crawls up next to him, and she throws her tiny self on top him. “Dada!”

He tickles her, and she giggles. It’s one of her favorite sounds. “Hi,” he greets, as Lily climbs on his shoulders. “Dada up.”

“Lil, dad is too old for that. My knees are gonna give out.”

“Up!” She calls again, the tiny hurricane. “I’ll give you two minutes, and then I’m sure it’s dinner and a bath for you kiddo.”

“I would kill for a bath,” she muses.

“Rough day?” He asks, looking at her trying to balance Lily on his shoulders while standing.

“Not really, just I can’t seem to shake the tiredness. I had a dizzy spell today, and it passed but I felt like I was going to faint.”

He looks at her, concerned. She knows that look, but his next comment surprises her. “I know it’s a long shot... but are you late?”

“Late? For what?... wait. She’s beginning to get it, and it dawns on her. “You think I could be... no. I’m on the Pill.”

“Humor me and take a test then.”

“Mulder I’m forty-five, it’s more likely to be perimenopause.” There’s no way.

“There’s a test under the sink from last year.”

“Fine, I’ll go prove you wrong,” she sighs, and heads upstairs.

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

When she was twenty-two, she had a scare with her then-boyfriend, Eric. She was so sure that she was pregnant, that she gave herself psychosomatic symptoms, all while planning a trip across the country for Medical School.

She remembers the fear, and then the utter elation of it being negative. She hadn’t wanted a baby, or even him, at the time. They were basically broken up by then, and a baby would have just complicated everything.

When she rips the plastic off the test she feels a sense of deja vu. She isn’t sure if it’s because she’s been having more memories that don’t belong to her lately, or that she remembers being twenty-two and in the same predicament as if it was yesterday.

Five minutes later, she looks. She’s so sure that it’s negative that when it isn’t she double takes. “So?” The question startles her.

She turns to look at him, with Lily still on his shoulders. Unable to articulate it, she holds the wand out for him.

His eyes widen. “You’re pregnant,” he says, shocked.

“We weren’t so careful,” she sighs, and feels so confused. She should want this, but all she can think of are the high risks of a geriatric pregnancy and it scares the shit out of her. Plus, Lily was finally coming out of the baby stage...she was finally sleeping through the night and now she’d have a teenager, elementary schooler and two kid’s under two. It was a lot to process. She hadn’t realized she was crying, until he pulls her into his arms.

“Mulder, after I give birth you’re getting a vasectomy,” she says and gives him a watery laugh.

“Deal,” he says just a Lily giggles.

“Dada, down.”

“I’m going to run her a bath, so just leave her.”

“Bath!” Lily repeats, happily completely oblivious. As she goes to start the tub, he stops. “Dana?”

“Hmm.”

“You know I love you.”

She grins and looks up. Never does that get old. Although they don’t say it often, she knows. “I love you too, Mulder.”

“Love Lily?”

They both laugh. She scoops her up, and gives her a kiss. “We love Lily too.”

“Can you make sure Em and Will are done with their homework?”

He nods, and shuts the door behind him. “Alright, Lily, blue bubbles tonight or pink?”

“Blue!”

She grabs the bubbles, and finds the box of bath toys. It’s full of rubber ducks and letters. Mulder told her they’ve had it since Emily.

As she bathes Lily, her mind is elsewhere. A baby. She has a feeling that their weekend away was when it happened and so that would make her at least five or six weeks. There were so many feelings coupled with the hormones that were coursing through her body. Apparently, in this reality she is exceptionally fertile and the irony isn’t lost on her.

“Mom!” Emily calls, coming in the bathroom. “Can I please please please go to Casey’s house this weekend? Daddy said no, but your more reasonable.”

“Emi!” Lily squeals.

“Hi Lil,” she says, and looks to her mother. “Please?”

“It’s your sister’s first birthday this weekend.”

“And? I’ll be home Sunday afternoon.”

“Now why would your dad say no?” She knows Emily is withholding something. It dawns on her. “It’s the weekend of that party you want to go to.” Her first high school party. No wonder why Mulder nixed it.

“I should never have told dad that...” Her Mulder was fiercely overprotective.

“Listen, I’m glad you did. I want you to tell us this stuff. I get it. I was in high school too. I also know why your dad said no. Maybe I can talk to him. I trust your judgment.” At fourteen and a freshman, she’d never given her a reason not to.

Emily grins. “Really?”

“That’s not a yes, yet.”

“For the record, come to me first. I have a little sway with your dad.”

“Dad still thinks I’m Lily’s age.. well, maybe six,” she amends.

“I had an overprotective dad too, Emily. I get it. But I also had a sister who rebelled because of it.”

“Auntie Melissa,” Emily finishes.

“Exactly.”

“Mom, did you rebel against grandpa?”

She laughs, “Oh yeah, but not until I joined the FBI and left medicine. I was a pretty boring teenager, Em.”

Emily nods, considering this. “But your a Doctor now.”

“I always was a doctor. My dad wanted me to practice in a hospital setting.”

Emily makes a face. “And you didn’t.”

“Nope, not until after you were born. The FBI as thrilling as it was... wasn’t exactly a nine to five.”

“I can’t see it,” she continues leaning against the doorway. “You with a badge like daddy and a gun...”

“I’ll pull it out and show you sometime,” she promises as her attention is drawn back to Lily who is slurping the bath water.

“Gross,” Emily comments.

“Grab me her towel?”

Emily throws the pink towel at her, and she just catches it before it goes into the water.

“Piggy!” Lily claps, exuberantly.

“I can’t believe she’s going to be one.”

“Tell me about it, Emily.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.::.:.:.:.:

He’s in bed reading, when she comes in. His glasses are perched on his nose, but as soon as he sees her, he shuts the book. They hadn’t really talked after the test, and his expression tells her they weren’t finished with that particular conversation.

“They’re all asleep. Well, Emily is still up. I told her that lights are out when she’s done with her homework.” She slides under the covers, and takes a breath.

“Are you okay?”

“I think so,” she says, honestly. “I’m just processing... still. It’s not that I’m not happy about it,” she says, carefully. “It’s just I know I’m already high-risk between my age...” it seems so inadequate. Part of her was thrilled, the other part was scared. “I do want this baby, and I’m sorry if my reaction seemed out of character.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I think I was just too shocked to process it either. But hey, we make some pretty cute babies, Scully.”

She grins, “We do.”

His hand goes to her still flat stomach, “I’m thinking when we went to Maine for that weekend...”

She blushes remembering that weekend. It very well could have been, considering they barely left the hotel room.

“If we did, it means I’m probably five to six weeks along. I’ll get a blood test tomorrow and then make an appointment with my OB.”

“Another Mulder...”

“We are about to be out numbered.”

“That not the worst thing,” he smiles, and she shakes her head.

“No, it isn’t.”

:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

It happened one night.

She went to sleep heavily pregnant with her fourth child next to her husband only to wake up back in 1993. A fresh faced twenty-nine year old, with a new partner and no scars. Her skin was young, taunt, and her eyes were so bright. So innocent.

She wonders if it was just a dream, but the memories were too visceral. Too real. She experienced it. She lived it.

The Dana Scully in 1993 formally of 2008 and 1996 had too many splintered memories. She knew the past, she knew what happens, and with that knowledge she knew the two different paths her future would hold. It was either a cold death in 1998 at the hands of a global conspiracy in Mulders arms, or it was a life filled with children as a mother and physician.

The choice was simple, really, but she didn’t know how to make the reality she wants to happen.

Her apartment is too quiet, after she hangs up the phone with him. She grabs her keys, and heads to her car.

She had to see him.

Her eyes are wet, and puffy from crying. The confusion sets in, and she realizes she’s going to have to tread carefully. He’s not in love with her yet... Sure there’s an attraction, but love doesn’t come until after she’s abducted. That fact he’d only admitted to her after too much wine one night, in Maine. The same weekend they’d conceived number four...

She looks down at her pajamas and her flat abdomen, and thinks of how only a few hours ago she’d been heavily pregnant and her husband had been giving her a shoulder massage with his dexterous fingers, wanting nothing more than to just help her relax.

In 1993, they barely touched. He’s still the same work obsessed man with blinders on. She wasn’t his touchstone or his constant. She was just Scully, and she hopes she doesn’t fuck it all up by being so rash. However, knowing Mulder as well as she does, he’s believed more outlandish things.

She hesitates, briefly, at his apartment door. Forty-Two. The number of the universe and the theory of everything. It was rather appropriate.

Gathering every ounce of courage, she has she knocks softly three times.

“Scully?” He opens the door, confused. His hair is mused from sleep, and he’s barely awake but she lunges herself at him. Kissing himself for all that she’s worth, hoping he gets it. Hoping he understands just how much he means to her. Hoping that he can feel how much she loves him.

He reciprocates, and she feels herself melting into his arms. They don’t come up for air as he leans down and picks her up. Her legs wrap around him, and he brings her to the couch. The man still didn’t have a bed, she thinks, as she sinks into the buttery soft leather.

He breaks away only to look at her. His eye contact doesn’t scare her. “Mulder,” she begins and touches his face. “I don’t want to waste anymore time.”

His thumbs, caress her cheeks, and he gently kisses her. She feels it, even if he can’t communicate it yet. She knows.


End file.
